Inside Out (and Back to Front)

Why traditional training has the order backwards.

I LOVE a podcast on my morning dog walk.

But this Oprah SuperSoul episode had a line that made me hit pause, stop walking, pull out my phone, and log it in my notes.

Her guest, Tracy McMillan said, "People act on the OUTside the way they feel on the INside."

It's a concept I know - but it weirdly hit like a mic-drop that morning. I had this crazy rush of empathy for all the people who are sometimes less than shiny on the outside. Even the guy who yelled out of his car window at me the day before - I imagined his insides.

And - because I'm me... my mind pinged immediately to dogs.

All of those 'less-than-shiny' moments we have with our dogs are a reflection of what they're full of INside. The frantic barking at the door, the lunging at a dog across the street, or the growling when the nail clippers come out.

If we think of their INsides like a cup.

Whatever's INside that cup is what will spill when it gets bumped - good or bad... it's coming out.

And the sucky part for dogs? 

They don't get a say in what fills them up.

We get to go to therapy, read a book, call a friend and cry it out - and feel better. We can fill our INside with enough good stuff that it starts to show up on the OUTside as calm, warmth, or just 'safe to be out in public'.

Dogs can't.

They can't pour themselves a coffee and work through the emotion that the vacuum cleaner is scary as hell. They can't trot into a therapist's office to unpack why every man in a hat makes their stomach drop. They can't decide (on their own) to feel safe.

WE fill their cup. And what we fill it with matters.

We could be pouring in doggie GOLD (like safety, clarity, choice, and opportunities for them to really be a dog)... or accidentally dumping in yucky stuff (fear, confusion, and restriction).

But the biggest issue?

Most people don't realize that they are the cup-fillers.

Because we're told to make the OUTside shiny.

No one sits you down before you bring a dog home and says, "You are now solely responsible for this creature's entire emotional life. And how they feel is going to impact how they behave." More likely, you grabbed a cute collar, a bag of food, some toys, and a handful of 'tips' from the internet. 

So, you focus on the OUTside.

But outsides can be faked. A dog who's stopped growling isn't necessarily a dog who's stopped being uncomfortable. Sometimes it's just a dog who's been told off for showing how they really feel.

From the outside, that dog looks fixed.

But FIXED and FULL of  GOLD are not the same thing.

A full dog has an outside that's just... real.

The wag really means they're happy (not just appeasing)

The quiet really means they're peaceful (not just shut down)

The "leave it" really happens because they feel safe and motivated to ignore the 'mysterious carcass' (not just because they were too scared of what would happen if they chugged it).

This is honestly our most important job.

Not polishing the OUTside, but filling the INside with doggie gold - so the outside doesn't have to lie.

None of us get it right from day one. We're all filling the cup with whatever we've got, learning as we go. It doesn't have to be perfect, the key is just to understand the impact we have, and remember that traditional 'dog training' has it back to front.

So, instead of "How do I FIX my dog?" let's ask "What am I FILLING my dog up with today?"

Because it goes INside -> OUT.

Fill their insides with safety, and out comes calm.

Fill their insides with trust, and out comes confidence.

Fill their insides with joy, and out comes that gorgeous, full-body-booty-wiggle you fell in love with in the first place.

Start with the INside.

The outside will follow.